I love words, their power and their magic. In our prison classes, we have a vocabulary list to enhance the verbal acumen of our students by using words like curmudgeon, voracious, hyperbole, myriad and gregarious. Their eyes light up when they “get it.”
I’ve been absent from my blog for awhile but words have brought me back today. I’m not a Mensa but I’m fortunate enough to have friends who are. They delight me with their brilliance, particularly their curiosity about everything. They love to explore knowledge, but when you’re that smart it also helps to be be funny or quirky or just plain irreverent so you don’t burn out.
Every year Mensa International sends out an invitation inviting members to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. These are definitely worthy adding to our lexicon. They are wickedly clever and irreverent. See if you can figure out the very slight but powerful change.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Mensa also publishes the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
I think Webster’s should consider adding some of these. And, by the way, if you’re curious about Mensa, go to https://www.mensa.org
The New Year is fast approaching. Instead of a traditional resolution, why not resolve to increase your vocabulary. One excellent way is to Google crossword puzzles. All levels of sites will pop up with the power to take you around the world with words. This view of our world using words to define politics is a brilliant example of word power.